W3: RD2 - Oh Doubt, There You Are

So, let's look back at yesterday, because it's all I can think about.  


When last I had a long run, 9 miles, I finished in 2:21:00.  Not my best, not ideal, but still under 16:00 per mile.  Target time for 10 mile run: 2:30:00.  Learning from last week I tried to ensure my pace was a steady 15:00 mile every mile.  I thought my time suffered a bit last week due to starting out a bit too fast.  


I was doing pretty well, but around mile 8, it just got harder. I'm glad to say, not quite as hard as last week, or at least a different kind of hard, but still hard.  I think I may have "Hit the Wall" as they say.  Thankfully I don't think it was from inability as much as unpreparedness.  Whatever it was, I only got through those last miles because I refused to give up.  My first mental miles.  Last week I felt tired, but not this crazy, slow motion, whatever it was.


I felt it too, every lap was hard, long, slow, agonizing, but not pain wise.  When you're already clocking 3:30ish laps, an extra few minutes really feels...  


Mile 9 to 10 was the worst. I knew I could do it, but it was slow. My time at 9 miles was almost ten minutes slower than the previous week, and that time, was a bit slower than I wanted it to be. 

The last mile took me about twenty minutes. I have never run that slow. I ended up with 2:44:11, or about 16:24 per mile, nearly a minute slower than my previous time, and almost 1.5 minutes above my ideal time.  It frustrates me more because it was only in those last miles that I lost so much time.  The change boosted my estimated marathon time from last week's 7:18:50 to 7:35:45.

Now, it is great that I ran 10 miles. It's great that I felt slightly better doing it than I did last week, but I am having some serious doubt about my abilities. I have never experienced such a rise in minutes. There are certain things that factored in and as much as I'm trying to keep them in the forefront of my mind, the doubt is really kicking in. I hate the fact that it isn't yet the distance that has overcome me, but instead the time. And with the way my body has been feeling, I'm not sure I will actually make it. Maybe 7 miles is really my limit. I know I've made it 10 now, but it's getting harder and more unreachable difficult to reach. 

Even at my ideal pace I'm going to always be on the cusp of not making it.  But I will make it.  Even if that means I can't do it this year, I will do it someday.