I haven't been sleeping as well as I want to, some of that is my fault, some of it I think, is my body adjusting to my running. I'd planned to run in the morning but because I slept a little later than normal, I didn't. I got an email about setting up a job interview last night, so I wanted to call first thing in the morning. No biggie I thought, I'll just run after I call. Well, I called and was told I'd receive a call back because the boss was busy.
Part of me wanted to just squeeze the run in, after all, what were the odds that the'd call in those 45 minutes? But then, if I missed the call I might have to play phone tag again. So I waited. The call didn't come until early afternoon. I worked on editing some photos from my sister's wedding and then went into the bedroom to relax for a bit. After staring at the screen working on minute details for a few hours my mind needs a break.
I ended up dozing off, which I was rather perturbed about. And by then it was time for my husband to come home. When he came home I dozed off later for about half an hour, thankfully I woke up in time to change for my physical.
And let me just say physicals for pre-employment suck. Because I have CP tests for coordination are a bit embarrassing and internally of course, I'm freaking out about potentially being turned down. My vision is pretty bad, even with correction, and listening to the woman who couldn't take my blood pressure properly ask in an incredulous tone about my inability to read the line she asked, stinks, and it is kind of demeaning. I mean I'd love it if my eyes worked better, but they don't.
And then of course inevitably the person performing the physical nowadays is usually a PA or Doctor who doesn't have much experience with CP, and even if they do, they always give me the "Wow, you'd never know... I've never met someone who was so articulate/able/etc speech." Which in a way is nice, sort of. I know what they mean, but it also makes me feel bad for all the other people they've encountered. It also makes me feel like a bit of a freak.
That feeling of freakdom is compounded of course by the physical itself. When you check off the "Neurological disorders" box, they always ask, "Is that the cerebral palsy?" Yes. And again of course I'm internally worried that even though it's the truth, it could hurt my chances. And then the tests. Co-ordination tests are not fun.
I am accustomed to being watched by doctors, residents, nurses, etc, after all when you have to go to the hospital more than once a year for check ups when you're a kid, they watch you, and even if you get used to it, it's still uncomfortable. You can always hear them talking, "See the way she raises her arms for balance, look at the difference in muscle tone in the right leg, and so on." I understand future doctors of the world need to learn, but it's hard not getting frustrated while you're running down a hallway in the shortest shorts you own (because they have to see as much of you as they can) and they're talking about you like you can't hear you.
Okay, anyway, so the coordination tests are awkward. Close your eyes, tilt your head back, lift your arms. I have no idea what they're looking for in this one, but I hate closing my eyes in unfamiliar environments. And as I expected, I did feel a bit like I might fall over. And then of course, walk. Okay walk on your toes. That one bugs me because I've spent my whole life trying NOT to do that. And then walk on your heels. I tried, but because my right foot ankle has a hard time flexing it's hard. Since I didn't do well with that one I tried to do the heel toe line walk. You know, the DUI test. And well that did not go well either. Thank goodness I don't drive or drive, and certainly don't drink AND drive. I would fail, miserably at that test.
So, after that embarrassing experience I got to take a drug test. Always fun to end an embarrassing, invasive evening by peeing in a cup.
Afterwards my husband and I had dinner and on the way home I fell asleep again. I wanted to go out and run, but I knew I couldn't so I didn't. That was hard, but clearly I'm tired.
Oh, and as a P.S.
Dear Medical Professionals of the World,
Please do the "Say ahh" test with your handy dandy flashlight BEFORE you stick the handy dandy flashlight in my ears. I know you don't actually touch my mouth, but having something that was in my ear, even though I'm very hygienic, near my mouth is not cool.
Thanks.
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