W4: D1 - Busy Bee

In spite of my trepidation, last night I went to Tae Kwon Do, Zumba, and Haidong Gumdo again. I am afraid to hurt myself or pull away too much of the energy my body wanted for those long runs, but I guess we'll call this experiment week. Kind of a stupid thing to do with the half marathon just around the corner, but there you go. 


I ran 3 miles, but it was not hard even after all that other activity. Some bits of my body were a bit tighter than normal, but in a weird way I felt like I had more energy. I did run cautiously since it was my first post All That Stuff Run ever, but I felt good during and after. My time was 46:48, slower than usual, but that's okay.

The big lesson so far has been, run before all the other stuff. At night I'm tired, and I'm glad because I'm sleeping better. On the plus side, the neighborhood kids started school yesterday, so daytime running is more appealing. 


I'm also surprised that after 3 hours of exercise and a 45 minute run, I'm fine. Right now I'm most sore from Haidong Gumdo, and well, you can't really prepare for cutting things with a sword, unless you're cutting things with a sword. Perhaps the second big lesson is, I can do more than I thought. 

I've adjusted my nutrition for all this extra activity, but I think I may try to introduce more carbs in the second half of the week because these long runs are double digits now. Fingers crossed.

W4 XT - I Did Not Run

So, I was all "I'm sticking to my schedule this week, I'm going to run etc." And then, I did not run. I planned to. I had time to. I had the energy to, I just didn't, but it was poor planning more then laziness.

I planned to run this afternoon, but I remembered today was "Bring a friend" day at our Tae Kwon Do school, I thought it would be a good day to go back. In addition they were offering a free Zumba class afterward, so I wanted to do that as well. I thought, "A 3 mile run will be a good day ender after all that."

Tae Kwon Do was a good work out, I've lost some flexibility, but overall I did well. I did sweat, but I didn't feel exhausted or incapable. It was good to see some of our old friends and meet the new instructor, who was very nice. Afterwards they had pizza, I had one piece of plain pizza, just like I 'budgeted' for. Next came Zumba, which I found to be easier than I thought it was going to be, I didn't know the choreography, but I caught on. Some of the more intricate footwork was harder, but I managed.

We chatted with the new instructor for a while and then came home. I planned to run, but I was tired. And it's getting a bit cooler out in the evening. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it. I could have done it, but if I push my long run to Sunday, there's still time to follow my schedule properly. 

W4: RD1 - Getting Back On Schedule

After 'adventures' with Irene, I did not cross train, in part because of Irene, but also because my quad was still sore, and being unsure of how to proceed, I decided to give it more rest, rather than stretch it or move it the wrong way and risk injuring myself.  As far as Irene, we were really lucky, we lost power for about 16 hours, but we were not evacuated or injured.  This morning I woke up and was tempted  to go right out for a 3 mile run, to make up for the one I missed.


However, after giving it some thought, I decided not to run.  Oh I feel a bit lazy, and a bit like I'm making excuses, but I want to follow the training schedule properly this week.  That means today, I rest.  I may go for a short walk later, but that's it, no running.  At the end of the week I have to face down, not a dozen donuts, but a dozen miles.  I haven't had a donut in a long time.

I'm still trying not to be discouraged about the ten mile incident, but I think until I do my long run this Saturday it's going to be on my mind.  I believe I can do it though and with proper preparation, I will do it well.

W3: RD2 - Oh Doubt, There You Are

So, let's look back at yesterday, because it's all I can think about.  


When last I had a long run, 9 miles, I finished in 2:21:00.  Not my best, not ideal, but still under 16:00 per mile.  Target time for 10 mile run: 2:30:00.  Learning from last week I tried to ensure my pace was a steady 15:00 mile every mile.  I thought my time suffered a bit last week due to starting out a bit too fast.  


I was doing pretty well, but around mile 8, it just got harder. I'm glad to say, not quite as hard as last week, or at least a different kind of hard, but still hard.  I think I may have "Hit the Wall" as they say.  Thankfully I don't think it was from inability as much as unpreparedness.  Whatever it was, I only got through those last miles because I refused to give up.  My first mental miles.  Last week I felt tired, but not this crazy, slow motion, whatever it was.


I felt it too, every lap was hard, long, slow, agonizing, but not pain wise.  When you're already clocking 3:30ish laps, an extra few minutes really feels...  


Mile 9 to 10 was the worst. I knew I could do it, but it was slow. My time at 9 miles was almost ten minutes slower than the previous week, and that time, was a bit slower than I wanted it to be. 

The last mile took me about twenty minutes. I have never run that slow. I ended up with 2:44:11, or about 16:24 per mile, nearly a minute slower than my previous time, and almost 1.5 minutes above my ideal time.  It frustrates me more because it was only in those last miles that I lost so much time.  The change boosted my estimated marathon time from last week's 7:18:50 to 7:35:45.

Now, it is great that I ran 10 miles. It's great that I felt slightly better doing it than I did last week, but I am having some serious doubt about my abilities. I have never experienced such a rise in minutes. There are certain things that factored in and as much as I'm trying to keep them in the forefront of my mind, the doubt is really kicking in. I hate the fact that it isn't yet the distance that has overcome me, but instead the time. And with the way my body has been feeling, I'm not sure I will actually make it. Maybe 7 miles is really my limit. I know I've made it 10 now, but it's getting harder and more unreachable difficult to reach. 

Even at my ideal pace I'm going to always be on the cusp of not making it.  But I will make it.  Even if that means I can't do it this year, I will do it someday.

W3: D3 - Good and Bad

I was supposed to run 3 miles today, but Hurricane Irene is coming.  I knew the odds that I could fit a 3 mile run in on Saturday were better than being able to fit a 10 mile run in.  So, I switched them.  I am glad I made it through all 10 miles, but my time shot to 2:44:11 or an average of 16:24.

I know I did a few things wrong.  Namely, I did not have my rest day, and I forgot my sports beans, and I did not drink at all during the run.  Still, to say it doesn't make me nervous would be a lie.

At that rate I won't be able to finish any marathons in the time allowed.  I am still glad I made it though.

W3: D2 - Pretty Darn Good

After my cranky episode yesterday, I was in much better spirits on Thursday.  We watched Spirit of the Marathon Tuesday night and I've been intrigued by something that was said in the film.  One of the runners featured talked about how she and some of her friends are constantly looking at their watches and thinking about the next run because they want to improve their times.  I can relate to that, in February 2010 when I started running I was always looking at my watch and trying to outdo my times.  Even this April when I started training for my first 5K, I was still glancing at my watch, trying to track each lap.

But when I started training in August, something had changed within me, (Wicked reference.)

It stopped being as much about the time, and much more about the distance.  Time will always be a big factor for me, but distance will too.  And the young woman in the film said she wished she could be more like the runners who simply went out and ran, and weren't focused on their time.  In spite of being so slow, I've noticed a shift in that direction and I like it.  I still check my watch sometimes, sometimes I lose count of my laps and I need to time a few to figure out how many I've done.  But overall my mind has decided to be much more focused on each step, rather than each second.

My target 5 mile run time is 1:15:00 or 15:00 per mile.  I finished in 1:16:21, I was really pleased about that.  No, it's not my target time, but it was pretty close.

W3: D1 - Just Get Out the Door

I was still not in the best mood on Wednesday.  But, I knew there were 3 miles worth of asphalt out there waiting for me.  I got out the door and rather crankily ran 3 miles, expecting a lower than average time. 

However, I was pleasantly surprised by the 44:52 that showed up.  Not my best time, but certainly a time I am happy with.  Maybe it's because I kept saying, "The faster you go the sooner you'll finish," and "Hurry up, don't you want to go inside?" in my head.  Or maybe it was life's way of saying, "Stop being such a sourpuss."

W3: No Run - On Sleep and Physicals

I haven't been sleeping as well as I want to, some of that is my fault, some of it I think, is my body adjusting to my running.  I'd planned to run in the morning but because I slept a little later than normal, I didn't.  I got an email about setting up a job interview last night, so I wanted to call first thing in the morning.  No biggie I thought, I'll just run after I call.  Well, I called and was told I'd receive a call back because the boss was busy.

Part of me wanted to just squeeze the run in, after all, what were the odds that the'd call in those 45 minutes?  But then, if I missed the call I might have to play phone tag again.  So I waited.  The call didn't come until early afternoon.  I worked on editing some photos from my sister's wedding and then went into the bedroom to relax for a bit.  After staring at the screen working on minute details for a few hours my mind needs a break.

I ended up dozing off, which I was rather perturbed about.  And by then it was time for my husband to come home.  When he came home I dozed off later for about half an hour, thankfully I woke up in time to change for my physical.

And let me just say physicals for pre-employment suck.  Because I have CP tests for coordination are a bit embarrassing and internally of course, I'm freaking out about potentially being turned down.  My vision is pretty bad, even with correction, and listening to the woman who couldn't take my blood pressure properly ask in an incredulous tone about my inability to read the line she asked, stinks, and it is kind of demeaning.  I mean I'd love it if my eyes worked better, but they don't.

And then of course inevitably the person performing the physical nowadays is usually a PA or Doctor who doesn't have much experience with CP, and even if they do, they always give me the "Wow, you'd never know... I've never met someone who was so articulate/able/etc speech."  Which in a way is nice, sort of.  I know what they mean, but it also makes me feel bad for all the other people they've encountered.  It also makes me feel like a bit of a freak.

That  feeling of freakdom is compounded of course by the physical itself.  When you check off the "Neurological disorders" box, they always ask, "Is that the cerebral palsy?"  Yes.  And again of course I'm internally worried that even though it's the truth, it could hurt my chances.  And then the tests.  Co-ordination tests are not fun.

I am accustomed to being watched by doctors, residents, nurses, etc, after all when you have to go to the hospital more than once a year for check ups when you're a kid, they watch you, and even if you get used to it, it's still uncomfortable.  You can always hear them talking, "See the way she raises her arms for balance, look at the difference in muscle tone in the right leg, and so on."  I understand future doctors of the world need to learn, but it's hard not getting frustrated while you're running down a hallway in the shortest shorts you own (because they have to see as much of you as they can) and they're talking about you like you can't hear you.

Okay, anyway, so the coordination tests are awkward.  Close your eyes, tilt your head back, lift your arms. I have no idea what they're looking for in this one, but I hate closing my eyes in unfamiliar environments.  And as I expected, I did feel a bit like I might fall over.  And then of course, walk.  Okay walk on your toes.  That one bugs me because I've spent my whole life trying NOT to do that.  And then walk on your heels.  I tried, but because my right foot ankle has a hard time flexing it's hard.  Since I didn't do well with that one I tried to do the heel toe line walk.  You know, the DUI test.  And well that did not go well either.  Thank goodness I don't drive or drive, and certainly don't drink AND drive.  I would fail, miserably at that test.

So, after that embarrassing experience I got to take a drug test.  Always fun to end an embarrassing, invasive evening by peeing in a cup.

Afterwards my husband and I had dinner and on the way home I fell asleep again.  I wanted to go out and run, but I knew I couldn't so I didn't.  That was hard, but clearly I'm tired.

Oh, and as a P.S.

Dear Medical Professionals of the World,
Please do the "Say ahh" test with your handy dandy flashlight BEFORE you stick the handy dandy flashlight in my ears.  I know you don't actually touch my mouth, but having something that was in my ear, even though I'm very hygienic, near my mouth is not cool.

Thanks.

W3: RD1 - Weight Gain

Well, after my triumphant return to the 120s last week, I have crossed back into the familiar land of the 130s, but I don't mind.

Running has given me the opportunity every week to measure my success without a scale.  I have never run nine miles before, but I did last week.  I have never run ten miles, but I will this week.  Weight loss is more like the icing on the cake, than the cake itself.  I guess I should work on finding a better metaphor, since I don't much like icing.

I did a little extra cardio today, just some light walking.  I need to do that more on cross training days, in addition to finding fun ways to cross train.  I get too antsy on Monday, but if I do too much on rest days I could impact my runs later in the week.

W2: XT- Cross Training at the PA Ren Faire

Warning: This blog is not exactly on topic as far as running, but it's a story to share, but feel free to skip along if you were looking for running related ramblings.

Today my husband and I set off for the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire.  I know, I know, this is not cross training, but walking is, and walking around was the plan.  After one of the SLOWEST breakfasts in the world, (one hour to receive 3 pancakes, bacon, toast, and oatmeal,) we finally arrived around 12:00 PM.

The plan was to donate blood to:

A: We could help replenish the amount my Mom has need throughout her ordeal (over 20 transfusions.)  B: Receive free entry to the Faire that day.

However I did not bring my ID, which was stupid for many reasons, one of them being if we'd gotten in an accident, and second you can't donate blood without an ID.  Thankfully after much frustration and digging around in my husband's wallet I found two non-photo pieces of identification and was allowed to donate.  Unfortunately by then my husband was finished and it was after 1:15.  But he needed to sit and rest a while as he'd nearly blacked out while giving blood (because even though I told him not to, he looked around at all the other people giving blood...)  So, after about half an hour I was taken to give blood.  After another twenty minutes they processed me and tested my iron...  Sadly, my iron was too low, 11.1 which is indeed not the 12.5 required.  The second test produced an LLL, which I think means it wouldn't even read it because it was so low.

Iron(y) alert, earlier that week I'd gone to the doctor because I thought my iron was low, but since he never called about it, I thought all was fine.

So, feeling quite sad about not being able to give blood, I walked back to my husband, ticket in hand.  I was grateful for the ticket, but as stated, after my Mom needed so much blood, giving back was the primary objective.  My husband and I spent some time walking around and checking out some shows.  We were watching a great group called Circa Paleo, but then a gentleman waved at them to stop, the bad weather we'd heard about was coming.  The kind group allowed us to "seek shelter" as the PA system was urging, onstage.

And then the rain came.  And then it stopped.  And came again.  And so it went until about 5:00.  Because we'd been cheated out of hearing the entire set by Circa Paleo we went back again.  It was still raining, but there was no thunder or lightning so the group was cleared to perform.  They felt badly about the rain, and because there were only three of us, they allowed us onto the stage apron and performed for us for almost an hour.  By then others had come, but it was really a great little intimate experience courtesy of mother nature.  We purchased a CD, had it signed and went on our way.

By 6:00 the rain was back again, hard, and I felt bad for the poor knights and actors who had to perform the Ultimate Joust, without horses, in the rain.  I felt especially bad for the actors who had to play dead in the mud.  Afterwards the company and we spectators dashed for the Swashbuckler's Stage, a covered stage area they use for the Finale when it rains.  It was a lot of fun and my husband and I will be returning again later this year, hopefully to sunnier weather.

Oh and I ate a Scotch Egg.  I don't eat a lot of meat, but I do love those things.  And I purposely ate a low fat, low protein breakfast to save room.

W2: D4 - 9 Mile Long Run

I have never run 9 miles before, and I have to say I'm a bit disappointed in my results.  I finished it, but I finished in 2:21:00, still within 15 minutes, but very nearly 16:00.  I also had a bit of a rough time on the last 2 miles.  It wasn't terrible, but it definitely wasn't as easy as the 7 mile run had been before.

While I am immensely proud that I went that far, because of my speed and the effort involved, I immediately became concerned about how hard next week might be.  But, rather than wallow, I tried to be pro-active.

1. I may have run the first 5 miles a little too fast.  I know better.
2. I tried my first GU this week.  Not terrible, but maybe I should have taken more or less.
3. Maybe I should try the Sports Beans, better texture.
4. I need to learn to pace my drinking, I'd never drank or ate anything on a run before.
5. I need to find the proper place to wear my waist bottle holder thing, and I should have done that before I was going out the door.
6. I need to try and keep better track of my laps, I may have inadvertently added or lost one or two.

Overall, still very proud, I hope next week's 10 miler proves a bit easier.

W2: RD2 - Appreciation

I'm really starting to relish the rest days.  As much as I like running, it is nice to know the pavement isn't out there waiting for me.  Because I'm trying to lose weight, I'm still respecting the rest day, while I would love to lose weight in the safest and quickest way possible, I would rather run a marathon.  So, if I don't lose weight this week because I didn't burn enough calories overall, that's okay.

Naturally, I hope to still get there, but at this point I'm not in as much of a rush.  I wouldn't mind staying at 130 if I could build up a bit more muscle and make it a leaner 130.

W2: D3 - 3 Miler Personal Best

Title says it all, I ran a personal best for 3 mile distance.  I was not in the best mood that day so I kept saying to myself, "A little speed now, you can be done sooner."  I didn't think much of it, but then I looked at my time when I was back inside.  44:09.  My previous best was 45:04.  Had I skipped the run I would have missed out.

W2: D2 - 5 Miler

Today was a five miler, and all went pretty smooth.  I finished in 1:00:48, about 15:09/15:10.  I hope I can stay around this time frame, my optimistic goal is to remain close to the 15:00 mile.

W2: D1 - Room for Improvement

Today I ran 3 miles in 45:42 or 15:14, a better time than last week's three mile runs, but I could have done better.

For starters, I waited until late at night to run, I do like running at night in our little loop.  It's safe, quiet, and cool.  However, I did not pace my meals well that day and I did not respect the rest day yesterday as well as I should have.  I think some exercise is fine, but doing a lot of walking on purpose probably isn't the smartest idea.

I'm also bummed that my pedometer thinks I only burnt 143 calories, because I didn't.  I probably burnt closer to almost twice that.

Still, I'm pleased, I hope the rest of the week continues to go well.

W2:RD1 - Weight Loss

After being on a bit of a 132 plateau for two weeks I broke through it and weighed in at 129.4 pounds this morning.  A 2.8 pound loss for the week and a total overall loss of 36 pounds.

I still need to consume more water, but adjusting my diet to eat about 1300 calories instead of 1200 I think is what did the trick, in addition to eating healthier things.  I'm very pleased, looking forward to tomorrow's 3 mile run.

W1: R4 - Not so Stellar End to the Week

I ran 3 miles today in 48:19, or about 16:06.  I won't say I wasn't a little disappointed.  I think it may have something to do with my sleep, I haven't been going to bed quite when I should.  And, I worked today, and I should have run before work, but I ran after.  Oh well, I finished, it's over, tomorrow starts a new week.

W1: RD2 - Take a Rest

According to my schedule I was supposed to run 3 miles today.  I didn't.  And I'm sad to say it was because I couldn't 

I started to get down on myself, but then I remembered, "If you had done the 7 mile run today, you would have taken the day off tomorrow."  So why was I so bummed about needing a day today?

I probably would have done more harm than good anyway.

W1: R3 - 7 Miles

I was supposed to run 2.5 miles, but I ran 7.  The idea came into my head and I pushed it to the back of my mind.

"You don't want to over train or injure yourself."

But it just kept nagging.

So I figured, "Fine, maybe I'll run 3 miles if I feel good enough."

And then three became four, and four became five, and then I was cooling down after a seven mile run.

I ran it in 1:45:40 or 15:07 per mile.  On my only other seven mile run on May 21st, I ran it at 1:43:20, but I'd also been training for two months, and I'd been pushing myself.  This time, it was a "Oh, okay I feel good enough let's keep going."

Afterwards, I was tiredish, but it was still more of a "I just had a good work out tired," than a "OMG must collapse" tired.  And as usual, the feeling of pride at what I had accomplished outweighed any other feeling.

W1: R2 - Three Miles and Veggie Cravings

This morning I went three miles in 46:09, or about 15:23 per mile.  Improvement from yesterday by about fifty seconds.  I felt good after the run, I keep expecting to feel more winded, but I don't.  I hope that's an reflection of an improved fitness level since the spring, even if my time is still about the same.

I usually get at least five or six servings of fruits and vegetables every day, but lately I've wanted more.  I don't know if it's because our CSA provides us with so much quality produce, or my body preferring it as fuel, but I am up to nine or ten servings a day.  I figure it is safe as long as I still get enough food and nutrients, it is strange though, cutting out almost all pasta/bread/rice because my body just doesn't want it.  At least not right now.

W1:R1 - First Run

I ran 2 miles.  I finished in 32:15, above sixteen minutes, but not bad considering I haven't run in almost 3 months.  I felt some tightness in my quads, but it was not as difficult as I thought it might be, though I was gentle to my body.  I'm really pleased that I don't have any blisters and I did not feel discomfort from my shoes, back in the Spring I got some blisters and such.

For those interested, I weighed in at 132.2 this week.

No loss, but no gain, and considering I went to my sister's wedding and indulged a lot over the weekend, I'm pleased.

My Husband & I at the Wedding

W1: RD1 - Outrunning the Fear

I realized that a lot of what holds me back is fear and doubt.

What if I try to go faster and end up going slower overall?  What if I go faster and can't finish?  What if I hurt myself and end up unable to get to the marathon?

But I realized I have to try.  My comfort zone has always is between sixteen and fifteen minutes per mile and I'm not ashamed because most all, what I want is to be able to go the distance in the time allowed.  

If I don't push myself, I may never realize my full potential.

What if I could run without worrying about not finishing under the time allowed?
What if I could run and not be last?
What if twelve or even ten minutes per mile, really could become my new comfort zone?

Eventually, I will find the answers to the those questions.

Joining the Chorus of 26.2 Dreamers

Four and a half years ago, someone training for a marathon told me approximately one percent of the population has run a marathon.  That same someone expressed doubt at my ability to be part of that group, when I mentioned giving it a try.  For a few weeks I ran on the treadmill, eventually giving up because I thought that person was right.

And then in February of 2010, I weighed 165.4 pounds my personal high.  I'd been trying inconsistently and unsuccessfully to lose weight for about seven months prior.  So, when I reached that apex, I buckled down.  The first twenty pounds came off fairly easily, but I expected them too, I'd been in a holding pattern at 145 for a while prior to shooting up to 165 from late 2008 into 2010.

I began training for a 5K, two weeks after I started losing weight, but that didn't last because I sprained my ankle, and not long after that my Dad passed away.

Somewhere around my 25th birthday, The Voice in my head started.  It talked about the marathon in a very Field of Dreamsesque voice.  It had arguments, a long range plan, websites, and determination.

"Think about running a marathon before you're thirty," it began.

"Take your time, run a 5K before you turn 26," it gently whispered.

"Next year, run a 10K," it added later.

"Run the half after that, and finally, the Full when you're 29."

So, I thought, "Okay, well I can probably finish 3.1 miles before next November."

But the holidays came and went, and then in early March my Mom became very ill.  She is still in the hospital and on the long road to recovery.  I spent three weeks at my parent's home with my siblings during a very critical period.  I gained 10 pounds and bounced back to 146.6.  But rather than let it discourage me, I became more focused.  I lost 6.2 pounds in March, putting me back at 140.2 pounds.

Then on April 1st the voice said, "Why not now?"

And so it began.

On April 30th I ran my first 5K in 46:21.
On May 7th I ran my first 10 in 1:35:46.

I know I'm not fast, but for me it's not as much about speed as it is just getting to the end.  I will never be "fast," but I'm hoping to be running comfortably at a 15:00 mile pace when my first marathon comes around.

As Captain Malcolm Reynolds said, "Faster would be better," but finishing is the primary goal.

If you're wondering why after doing so well there's been a delay, well in late May I sprained my ankle.  After recovering from that there was heat wave here, I tried to run, but I just didn't have the stamina to do it in that kind of weather.  I continued to focus on my weight loss and building my endurance through walking.  I won't be able to finish a marathon this year, but that doesn't mean I have to give up entirely.